girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
