I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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