Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
