I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
