My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
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