he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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