look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
