i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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