my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
vagina is talking i cant
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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