i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
