is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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