Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
