Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
