i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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