Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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