My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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