So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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