Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
