It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
