I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
