Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
