Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
