i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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