What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
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