i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
