is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
