She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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