There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
