i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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