So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
