well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
