There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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