i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
