I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
