What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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