I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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