yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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