So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
tell me about the eggs
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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