my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
