you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize