when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
