I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
