As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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