I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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