How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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