she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
