I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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