I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize