I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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