I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
