Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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