all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
