____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i think i have herpe
just one?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
