So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
