the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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