no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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