ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
