Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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