If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
