Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
