If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
