I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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