Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
