I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
