if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
my liver is dry heaving
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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