Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
