These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
