He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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