i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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