Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
