Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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