call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
