yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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