I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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