just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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