he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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