ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
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