I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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