my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
