Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
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