based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
