Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
