Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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