Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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