I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
