can u get pink eye on your cock?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
