I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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