addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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