it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
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